Let’s talk about anxiety
Before I write this blog post I just want to clearly state this isn’t for attention, anybody that knows me will know that I very rarely open up to anybody so this is taking me a lot of balls to write this. I feel like it’s easier to talk about anxiety on here because this is a personal space for me to type up all the thoughts in my head. Hardly anybody knows this about me but here we go… I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember, I feel like it has gradually got worse as I have got older though.
How it all started
I think it started out when I was in secondary school, back then I had quite bad acne so I didn’t wear any makeup as I didn’t want to irritate the acne even more. Makeup such as foundation was pretty much being worn by majority of girls in school during that time, some girls had flawless skin which meant they had the option to wear foundation however, there were of course girls who had the same skin problems as me but decided to wear makeup to try and cover up as many blemishes as possible. I never got judged for having bad skin, but I did constantly feel anxious and paranoid that people thought I looked disgusting etc. I didn’t really start wearing foundation and other makeup until around year 10/11. As during year 10 and 11 I did a hair and beauty course as one of my GCSE’s so I was experimenting with hair and makeup products which by this point I felt confident to do. I can honestly say, since wearing foundation from the last two years of school up until now, I felt/feel less anxious and more comfortable being me basically.
I now still wear makeup and I rarely go outside without wearing some form of makeup but it’s something that makes me feel better about myself. My spots have become so much better and I have kinda grown out of the whole acne stuff now but I still just wear makeup anyway. I used to wear basic makeup as going back to the whole anxious thing, I was scared to wear bold makeup that would be way out of my comfort zone. But I have recently discovered that bold makeup does really suit me, and I am enjoying experimenting with different eyeshadow palettes and other forms of makeup.
Social anxiety
I feel like with this I have become so much better with meeting new people and speaking to strangers but in the past I really struggled with this. I would even be far too anxious to ask a worker in a supermarket where a certain item is but I’m a lot better at dealing with situations like this now. Being in new situations is just something I struggled with and something I sometimes do struggle with even now. If I do new activities that are way out of my comfort zone, this can sometimes be difficult for me but hey ho I’ll get there one day. Being at university had sort of forced me into new situations I didn’t have time to prepare for, so being at uni has actually really helped my social anxiety partly. Also if I went out for a meal, I used to also be really bad at eating in front of people I didn’t really know so well. I have overcome this much better now though.
Phone anxiety
I also suffer from anxiety on the phone, I struggle to speak on the phone to people unless I know them extremely well such as my family, close friends, boyfriend etc. I have always struggled from this at a young age, again I’m not really sure how/why. I think it’s because I find it difficult communicating on a phone device if I can’t actually see the person I am talking to. I also have to plan ahead in advance before the phone calls like the sort of stuff I need to ask/say… weird I know ahah so when the conversation diverts from how I planned in my head I start to panic and stutter with my words which is just totally crap.
Anxiety in general
I also need a lot of reassurance most of the time, I have a habit of doubting myself 24/7 which makes me super paranoid. I also will have good and bad days, some days I will wake up and feel ready for anything but then other days I will happily stay in bed and watch movies with a hot chocolate because I feel way to anxious to face the world.
It’s hard to put into words sometimes how you feel with anxiety but I hope this blog post has helped anybody who also suffers with anxiety. Some days might seem extremely difficult but remember you’re not alone! There are many others who also feel like this, keep fighting it, you’re stronger than you think.
I hope you all have a fab weekend my lovelies!
-Char x
